Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
