it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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