he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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