Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it's like iHOP with fire
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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