I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize