so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
40s are totally the cure
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
