When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just want to make out with him forever
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
