yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
