My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
