I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
