My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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