Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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