saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
