hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
