Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
