dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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