i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
