I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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