Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
