Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
