and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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