you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
