What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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