I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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