We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
