he wants to bone in the snuggie
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
