we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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