he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
