I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
