i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
