Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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