I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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