Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
