I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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