Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
