I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
