wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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