We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
