I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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