There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
