Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
