There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
