You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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