Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
