dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
