Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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