I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
