is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
