She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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