There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
