I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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