guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
