You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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