you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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