Moan for me like Helen Keller
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
