My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
