you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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