I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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