I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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