i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
