This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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