Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
