What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
