You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
