yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just invented taco cereal.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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