my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
