it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
