i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
