I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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