Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
