I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
