Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
