This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
