Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
