Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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