He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
