Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
