having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
